Comment Fill- Phil Coulson's relatives

[tidal_race]

Title: N/A
Fandom: The Avengers, SPN, NCIS, Bones, RED, MIB
Rating: PG
Length: 560
Warnings: None
Spoilers: As long as you know who the characters are you're fine.
Pairings/characters: Clint/Coulson
Disclaimer: I own nothing, I make no money.
Notes: Cracky comment fic written free form/quickly foravengerkink. Posting it here for archiving purposes. This is cleaned up for typos, but basically the same as it exists in the comm. Original Prompt here: http://avengerkink.livejournal.com/10266.html?thread=22357530#t22357530

Clint swallows hard. He's never really had to do the meet the family thing. Well, he did once, a long time ago, when he'd escorted a casual girlfriend to a wedding, but it wasn't any big deal. He was just the +1. Now though, he's meeting the parents. Also, considering they're doing it in the middle of nowhere...it's not reassuring. Phil reassures him it’s just because it’s not common record who his father is, Phil himself didn't know until he was an adult, and they don't want any reason for speculation. It’s one less thing that can be used against them. Except looking at the guy in the black suit staring back at him, Clint's getting all sorts of secret government agency vibes, so maybe it's not just their classified status they're trying to protect. The woman that steps into the room next moves in a way that reminds him just too damn much of Natasha and a little of Deputy Director Hill. Basically women who could kill you with one arm tied behind their back.

Except that's not the end of people entering the room. Behind her there's a well-built man who's probably not much older than he is, who's wearing civvies but gives of hints of ex-military or maybe FBI, and behind that is a guy who screams military, and behind him there are two young guys, one of them who seems to be about 8ft tall. Clint is finding his training won't let him dismiss anyone in the room, regardless of their age. They all move like people who are trained in hand to hand, and he's pretty sure everybody in the room is packing.

So, basically, he's in a room full of people who could give him the shovel talk and then follow through. Phil had said meet the parents, but Clint's starting to feel like he's walked into the middle of an Eyes Only op. Except Phil's hand is on his lower back, intimate and not at all professional, propelling him farther into the room.

"Stop looming." Phil's voice has just a hint of exasperation in it. The kind usually reserved for Tony.

"Well, introduce us then," the maybe military, maybe FBI guy replies, crossing his arms over his chest.

Phil sighs. "Clint, I'd like you to meet my nephew, Agent Seeley Booth."

The guy pretty much tries to break Clint's hand when he shakes it, but Clint just keeps a pleasant smile plastered on his face, like he can't feel the bones in his hand grating together.

"My father, Kay," Phil continues. "My mother, Victoria, my cousin, Leroy Jethro Gibbs, and Dean and Sam, also my nephews."

There's a round of handshakes, a gruff it's Gibbs, and another attempted hand breaking by the Dean guy.

"Now," Phil is speaking again and Clint is really glad Phil has been doing all the speaking so far, "Can I ask what all of you are doing here?"

"You've never brought any of your boyfriends home before." Victoria answers. "We all wanted to meet him."

"Dean just wanted to meet Hawkeye," Sam pipes up and gets an elbow in the ribs for his trouble from his brother.

"Sit down, and let's have a talk, son." Agent Kay speaks for the first time. It’s only Phil's hand still on his back that keeps Clint from sprinting for the door.